Hidden Broken....

In Asian culture, I've read, they repair broken pottery with gold so that the cracks and chips can be seen for generations to come.  Why on earth would they do that?  I mean, aren't we suppose to cover up, sweep away even, anything that breaks?  What about Jesus Christ, our beloved Savior?  When He appeared in the upper room after He'd died and was resurrected, one precious disciple had a tough time believing Him to be real so He showed him the holes in His hands and feet, and told him to touch them, even the hole in His side, so that Thomas could believe.  Brokenness.... shattered hearts and lives.  Are we alone in our brokenness?  Can God use us in our brokenness?

I don't know about ya'll, but I struggle at times with my own brokenness and sense of worth.  I wonder what God can find among the shards of my spirit to actually use for His glory.  Why would He want to even bother with something as messy as me?  How can there be any value in a spirit that looks much like the dinner plate I've dropped on the kitchen floor.... a million pieces scattered across the room, and the one piece left that you might be able to even recognize as what it actually was, is chipped in more than one place.  So I do what I guess everyone does.... scoop it all up, get the glue out and piece it all back together; knowing that even with my best attempt and using invisible glue, it is never going to be the same.  The cracks run like veins on a 95 year old's hands, there are a few pieces missing, leaving holes, and the surface is now rough.... it's no longer pretty by any definition.  But unlike a dinner plate, we are able to hide our cracks and chips; tucking them down deep inside and hoping nobody sees.  Which brings me back to wondering about the tradition of repairing chips and cracks with gold, once again.  Why?

Well, these worn, cracked and broken pottery pieces with the veins of gold running through take on a different kind of beauty.  The gold holding them together has intrinsic value which infuses value into the pottery as well.  The pottery can once again be used as it was intended to be.  And, beyond that, as you look upon it, you begin to see a beauty that wasn't there before.  It's as if by it's very brokenness it's actually become more beautiful.  It's not hidden away in some cupboard up high, only to be forgotten; rather, it's used daily and on display for all to see.  How can that apply to us?

When we are young, and the chips and cracks begin to appear in our spirit, we tuck them away so nobody can see them.  But in the dark, hidden place in our soul, they become more fragile and begin to chip and crack some more.  We look around and see everyone else living perfectly lovely lives, with no cracks or chips in their spirit.... then we begin to feel very alone.  Oh, we don't show it, of course.  We always smile and do the polite and appropriate things, but those cracks are growing all along.  Why would God allow you to be shattered and nobody else?  Suddenly one day, someone else gives you a glimpse of their own brokenness, and oddly enough it makes you feel better, more real.  Hmmmmm..... can God use brokenness to minister to the needs of others?  You ponder this and pray..

We live in a society now that seems to be dictated by Pinterest, or so it appears, and that leaves many of us to feel lacking in many ways.  We socialize more on Facebook and Snapchat than we do face to face across the kitchen table.  As wonderful as it is to be involved in our friends and families lives on a daily basis through their posts, as well as our own, we've lost a genuine vulnerability and realness.  We no longer feel comfortable if a friend pops over to visit and catches us with a messy house, we post the cute things our kids do, not the heartbreak they may cause, we lose ourselves in "the picture" rather than the realness of relationship.  We post prayer requests for the flu, but keep the really hard problems to ourselves.... The thing is, our really hard problems and how we are dealing with them, is our greatest witness for God's glory, BUT we have to be willing to show our hidden broken and not keep it all tucked away.  Ask yourself, when someone was genuinely real with you, didn't you walk away loving them all that much more AND no longer feeling alone in your own broken?  I know I have on many occasion.  

I'll never forget many years ago when our girls were young.  We struggled every Sunday morning to get out of the house and to church even remotely on time.  It was usually a screamfest as 8 little shoes needed to be found and put on, hair and teeth brushed, and don't forget the BIG BOWS that needed to adorn each of their sweet little heads.  By the time we got everyone strapped into their seats in the van, there were six frowning faces, some may have even been tear streaked, and needless to say our hearts were not set on worship.  But then we'd hit the driveway into the church parking lot and it was like a switch.... everyone put on their smiles and cheerful "church voices".  I kid you not!  As a mom and as a christian, I felt like a failure and a fake.  And, I felt alone in all this, because I knew that we were the only ones who endured Sunday mornings like this.  Then one day, I happened to be visiting with our pastor's wife; I don't even know what we were actually chatting about, but somehow or another the subject of Sunday mornings came up and she began to recall how it was for her when her two kids were little.  Her memories sounded much like my current life!  You have no idea what that did for me!  No, it wasn't a "misery loves company" sort of thing... it was a healing thing.  Knowing that someone else shared a similar "failure", as I saw it in myself, helped me to not only realize I wasn't alone, but also that this was only a season in life.  She showed me a real struggle she had and it helped me with a hidden struggle I was carrying.  God used her hidden broken to minister to me.  This was the first time in my life that I can remember someone showing me their hidden broken, and since that day I've determined to allow God to use my hidden broken to minister to others.  

It's not easy to be "real" with others.  I crop the pictures I post to eliminate the mess behind the cute child, I know how to hold my camera to make me look thinner, I post the good things we eat rather than all the times we hit drive-thru, I post "Starbucks STAT" rather than the ugly rant I was just on with my family..... but maybe, just maybe, if I'm more real, leaving myself open and vulnerable by showing my hidden broken, God could minister to others through my broken, just as He has ministered to me through theirs.  I look at those dear to my heart and see nothing but beauty BECAUSE of their broken and healed spirits.  I see their struggles and love them all that much more BECAUSE I see strength in their weakness.  I see their broken paths through life and cherish them all that much more BECAUSE I see God's redemption through their willing and repentive spirit.  Yes, God uses our hidden broken to minister to others, and through that ministry He repairs our cracks and chips with threads of gold.  A mended spirit and heart is a true masterpiece.  

And, for my dear mom..... no, there's no major problem over here; I'm going through a study with Ann Voskamp called The Broken Way and it's gotten me to pondering something I've thought about for a long, long time :)