Little Mama

Gracie has always been a little mommy, tending to her babies with the greatest of care. I don't remember a time she hasn't had a baby in her arms. At 12 years old, I know these days are fleeting, so I cherish them all that much more. Tonight, on our shopping trip to pick up a couple things for the week, she brought along her newest baby boy. She has worked hard to pay for him all on her own, which makes him all that much sweeter. I am always amused at the reactions of people who see her with her babies. It's hard to convince them they are dolls 😂😂😂. Since they are artist creations, they look just like a living, breathing baby. They are even weighted, so they feel like a newborn  when they're all snuggled in your arms. This little guy weighs three pounds and is about the same size Hannah was when she was born. He caused quite the commotion in line at Walmart; the woman in front of us, the guy behind us, and the cashier were all smiling and cooing at the sweet little newborn...and when I told them he was her doll, the women had to hold him, even then they both commented how real he was. Gracie just beamed, like any new mama would 😀

A Month To Remember....

So, October hasn't been exactly a banner month for the Schroeder clan.  It began on October 1st with Sarah being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and will end on October 31st with Dawn having her gallbladder removed.  Grab a latte', curl up in your most comfortable seat, and come along as I look back at the journey that was October 2016....

Sarah is still grappling with her diabetes.  She is compliant in action but defiant in spirit when it comes to her T1D.  I can't blame her.  I'd want to ignore it or run away from it myself.  It's life altering, especially at 16 years old, right when you're spreading your wings and beginning to fly.  Planning for college, working almost full time, school work, dance company, church youth group, leading the middle school girls at church as well.... there wasn't any room for something as HUGE as T1D; yet here it is, the biggest party crasher of them all.  She does her finger pokes, texts me her numbers, tells me what she's eating.  I figure out her insulin doses and give her the shots, I pour over her log to make adjustments where needed, adding in additional shots as we go along.  Within the past month she's gone from only needing an insulin shot at lunch, to now needing her long acting insulin shot each night (provides her a basal rate of insulin for 24 hours) and 2 soon to be 3 shots of fast acting insulin when she eats.  Yes, over the past month, since her diagnosis, things have progressed rapidly.  Rapidly enough for her endocrinologist to approve an Omnipod pump system for her to start on whenever she feels ready to do so.  She is keeping her focus on God's will for her in all this; knowing that He has a purpose for her to reach people through her T1D...but at 16, it's still hard to accept, and there are those days that you just want to chuck it all and run away from it.  She is awesome though, and doing well.  She will continue to grow stronger as she fully accepts all that this new normal entails for her.

As her mom, I struggle.  Our family and daily dynamics have changed.  I've lost my groove.  Our life is crazy and a bit chaotic to begin with, over the past 11 years we've managed Gracie's T1D naturally, without giving it much thought once we got about 6 months past her diagnosis so many years ago.  But now....now, I have two with T1D and it requires A LOT of attention.  Things are falling through the cracks and at times I feel like a duck, paddling like mad just to stay afloat, and barely treading water.  I find that as my focus is on Sarah at the moment, I forget to check Gracie's numbers and tell her to bolus for her meals (unless we are all together, of course) and end up bolusing a correction dose of insulin instead.  Gracie SHOULD know to do this, but she is a kid and frankly chooses to ignore it.  She doesn't realize the long term danger she places herself in by ignoring her T1D right now.  As their mom, it's my job to manage their T1D, help them to take ownership of it themselves so they can manage it themselves, and eventually pass the torch, so to speak, to each of them as they are ready to live independently, caring for themselves and their T1D.  I'm not going to lie, I feel like I'm failing at this right at the moment.... I know it will get better, but right now, I'm running in circles trying to stay on top of everything their T1D entails.  Simple things such as night time checks are complicated by the fact that Sarah sleeps downstairs and we sleep upstairs... that means that Craig and I need to go down two flights of steps and to the opposite corner of the house in the dead of night to do finger pokes on her (Gracie is just across the hall from our room).  Sarah isn't home much, so most of her T1D management is via text and she and I meeting up for her shots when she's at work, dance, church, or out with her friends.  She drives.... yeah, that's terrifying for a parent when the teen driver is a newly diagnosed T1D.  She doesn't appreciate the rule of testing before starting the truck, but to her credit she does it :)  We are working towards getting Sarah a Dexcom (continuous glucose monitor) so we can see her blood sugars, real time, on our phones.  This is vital since she doesn't know what it feels like to have a low blood sugar yet, since being newly diagnosed she's only used to higher BGs.  Of course insurance has already denied it because she hasn't had any lows to show, but I'll be filing an appeal based on medical necessity based on other criteria besides just low BGs.  Yes, all the cutting edge technology in the world of diabetes helps immensely, but it also complicates things too.  Mixed blessings.

Craig has been in Colorado pretty much this entire month, coming home on the weekends.  God has blessed him with an incredible amount of work, new clients, and new contracts, but the sacrifice is that he is away from home quite a bit.  When he's home though, we enjoy time spent together as a family, and I enjoy not doing the nighttime BG checks :)  Last weekend, for example, we loaded up and went to Topeka for the Mother Earth News Fair, something we've enjoyed doing the last couple of years.  It's an awesome experience for the girls to learn new things that you'd never find covered in text books.  We've been planning and trying for nearly 4 years now to move back to the farm.  We want to build a home that can function off grid, where we can live comfortably and self-reliantly with our girls and enjoy our animals.  The Mother Earth News Fair is great for learning about alternative building techniques, better gardening and food production, animal care, etc.  The girls learn more in a day spent there, than a week at their desks :)  This year however, I wasn't feeling that great, and on the way home was throwing up every few miles in the road ditch.  UGH!  That was a first for me.  It didn't take long for me to finally realize what was going on..... my gallbladder was acting up.

Monday I got into my doctor.  She ran a slew of lab work and sent me for an ultrasound.  By Tuesday, her nurse called with the ultrasound report and the news that I was being referred to the surgeon.  I met with the surgeon's nurse on Thursday who explained everything to me.  Basically, it's time for my gallbladder to go, there's just no getting around it.  And, it's better to do it now while I have the "choice" than to wait for it to potentially rupture and be in an emergency situation.  So......that leads me to this coming Monday..... I'll be in surgery getting my gallbladder removed.  Thankfully, Craig is home until Wednesday this coming week, and Tess and Sarah took off work to watch Gracie and Hannah while I'm in the hospital. It's yet another time I'm ever so thankful for our homeschooling lifestyle!  Sarah can do her schoolwork while she and Tess help Gracie and Hannah with their lessons.  They can take care of the animals and things around our home as well.  I can go to the hospital knowing they are all just fine, and for that I'm beyond thankful.  Of course, my mom and Anne (the girls surrogate mom and riding instructor) are on notice in case they need anything, which again I'm so thankful for.  With a family like ours, that has the special needs we do, we have never really had backup in emergencies; now that Tess and Sarah are grown and can take care of their little sisters at times like this, it's a huge relief.  Again, a benefit of the homeschooling life.... a close knit family that pulls together in times of need :)  Yes, I love my little tribe :)

So, here it is, Saturday afternoon.  Craig is listening to the pre-game on the radio, researching ways to keep insulin cool should anything happen to the power grid (like it or not, we've all been told that it isn't an "if" but rather a "when" it will go down at some point) and pricing out one of the building techniques he recently learned about for the house he's designed at my work table.  The girls are upstairs enjoying themselves on this beautiful last Saturday in October with their best friend Rhi.  Sarah is in her happy place....working at Runza until 9 tonight.  The dogs are basking in the late autumn sunshine.  And me.... well, I'm going to go curl up in the corner of the sofa and do some stitching while I watch my hubby from the corner of my eye as he concentrates on his research, sharing my happy place with him, so thankful that he takes providing for all of us as seriously as he does.  Yes, October 2016 will go down as a month to remember in our family history, but we are all together, snug in our home, and that alone still makes it all good :)

Tales From The Ark....an excerpt from the soon to be released memoir of the life and times of the Schroeder Clan

Mistletoe....This Sweet Boy Turned To A Life Of Crime (momentarily;)

There are definite certainties in life, death and taxes, as the saying goes.... and for the Schroeder Clan there's one more certainty:  Every time Craig leaves town, there's going to be some sort of crisis.

Sure enough, yesterday he headed back out to Colorado to work with clients for the week, and before noon I had a child in tears and I was having trouble deciphering what exactly the problem was.  Thankfully I had some backup this time, as Tess was home for a visit :)  As we were sitting in my office talking, Gracie came downstairs in tears, unable to speak.  All I could figure out was that it had something to do with her geriatric gerbil, Daisy.  "Did Daisy die?" I asked.   Tears flowing and a garbled "I don't know" was all I could understand.  We all ran upstairs, and as we hurried I also heard the name "Mistletoe" uttered.  Uh Oh....

Our sweet Mistletoe is one of our christmas kittens from this past year.  He has never given a second glance to any of the small critters living in this house, yet today for some unknown reason, he decided he wanted to play with Daisy, the gerbil (he may have actually been thinking "lunch" but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here).  As Tess and I go running upstairs, we are putting pieces together that Mistletoe has done something to Daisy.  We are not quire sure what to expect and are afraid of finding her half alive on the living room floor, or (gasp!) still limp in Mistletoe's mouth.  We get upstairs and discover that Hannah had spun into action in superhero speed and gathered all our kittens (who really aren't so much kittens anymore), placing them behind a locked bathroom door.  I then see Daisy's cage turned upside down after it had been knocked off the bookshelf that it sits safely on....Daisy nowhere to be seen.  I pick up the cage, afraid to find her crushed underneath and suddenly see her scurry through the wheels of Craig's gun cart.  WHEW!!!!  She's alive!  But, she's scared and has a reputation for being a biter, so now what?  A quick planning session takes place to come up with a way to catch her without getting bitten.  It took some patience, a pair of snow gloves, a brave oldest daughter, lots of gerbil road blocks, but I'm happy to say that she is once again, safely in her cage.  She settled down after a quick snack, and spent the afternoon napping in her mushroom house.  The offending kitten spent the afternoon in time out, reciting "We do not eat our friends" 1000 times.

I would love to say that this is an abnormal day in the Schroeder home.... but I can't.  No, we don't always have an attempted murder by one of our own, but there is never any shortage of excitement and chaos around here.  These critters can create extra work and drama for sure, but they also give us lots of opportunity to LOVE and LAUGH through their antics.  Until such time as we get moved back to the farm, the pet population around our home serves as a valuable training ground for our girls.  They learn responsibility, respect, love, sacrifice, just to name a few of the values taught through caring for animals.  And, these lessons are driven in much deeper than just your normal childhood chores, as our girls understand that their pets very lives are dependent on the care they give them.  Frankly, messy bedrooms and other chores that get shuffled to the side because of something more fun, doesn't end in anyone dying.  But, forgetting to water or feed your critter does.  Learning to put yourself second and caring for someone or something elses needs first is THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT we can ever give our girls.  After all, it's teaching them to be God's hands and feet here on earth.  It's for that very reason that we will always have a houseful of critters.... well, that and the fact that they are just fun and provide more laughter than any other show in town ever could :)

When You Can't Escape The Unwanted...

How do you react when you get an unwanted knock on your door or one of those dreaded "unknown caller" calls on your phone?  I'm sure I'm not the only one that wants to hide and just not answer at times. I mean, doesn't it sometimes feel intrusive and you just want to close the door or hang up the phone...make it all go away?  Well, that's kinda how we've been feeling around our home lately. You see, an intruder we know all to well came knocking again, and this particular intruder never leaves. 

Let me start at the beginning: last March Sarah was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. She did everything she needed to do, but she just never fully bounced back. Over the ensuing months, she continued to lead a normal busy life that any 16 year old leads....work, school, dance, church, friends...but she could never shake the constant fatigue. She seemed more susceptible to little viruses, her eczema was flaring in a huge way, then suddenly she sent me a text that said "Mom, I swear I'm starting to feel like you. Every joint in my body hurts. I feel like a 60 year old trapped in a 16 year old body."  (Not that I'm 60, mind you;). Well, that caught my attention. Between her major psoriatic eczema flares and now her painful joints, it was time to do some lab work. That was Thursday, September 29th. 

Fast forward to Saturday, October 1st. Sarah was excited to be going to the Husker game with her dad, something she'd really been looking forward to. The Huskers played great and won the game by a huge margin. It was around halftime that I got "the call". Our pediatrician took her time on a Saturday to keep check on Sarah's lab results as they continued to roll in. Everything was looking great except for a few glaring numbers. Those numbers were making the diagnosis impossible to ignore. So, for a second time in my life I heard a doctor gently say the two little words that change our life.... She's Diabetic. 

How do you tell your 16 year old daughter news like this?  Yes, she wants to feel better...but this?  This is a kid with a fear of needles. And now, now I have to help her come to terms with something completely life changing AND force her to face one of her biggest fears, because as of that moment her very life became dependent on it. That night at dinner, Sarah asked if the doctor called yet. I told her yes...and the silent tears that escaped my eyes gave it away. Sarah's reply was heartbreaking and was to be expected... "I want a retest!  I'm not diabetic. I'm not."  

Last week she has diligently tested her blood sugar every couple hours, logged her readings as well as her food (carbs that would soon need to be covered with insulin). Craig and I now traipse through the house in the dead of night, testing two daughters while they sleep. Morning finger pokes have become an unspoken competition to see who has the better number with Gracie dancing and singing "I win. I win. I win I win I win" on the rare occasion that she wins. And Sarah, now carrying her own "diabag" with her meter, snacks, and emergency supplies, as she heads out the door each day. Things that use to be simple now require extra caution...no starting the car if you don't know your BG, no snacks bigger than 15 grams of carbs right now, a finger poke and insulin injection before your first bite, to name a few. It's all so familiar yet all brand new at the same time. 

We've lived this life for 11 years, but now the dynamics are different. She's a teen having to wrap her mind around this. I'm her mom needing to help her own the responsibility of all it entails and not just doing it for her, like I was able to do when Gracie was diagnosed as a baby. And Craig has his protection instinct kicking in overtime, making sure his family, and these two especially, have everything they need to live healthy and well. 

Sarah and I made the trek up to Mayo Clinic to see our Endo yesterday. Just she and I, a rarity in a family this size. A long road trip, no doubt, but time well spent. We had the chance to talk, giggle, laugh at and with each other, sipping on Starbucks, making fun of each other's music, being goofy. She snapchatted her friends nonstop, I listened to my Luke Bryan playlist. And, we would talk in snippits about what this diagnosis means in her life. You see, Type 1 diabetes is an invisible disability, so to speak. People with it usually look totally fine,  they live normal lives, do anything they want to do...but those finger pokes and insulin injections they HAVE to do, are quite literally their life support. They cannot live without it. They cannot run away from it, take a break from it, ignore it...it won't go away nor will they out grown it. They can't kick start their pancreas by changing what or how they eat, working out, or taking the latest supplement.  And, for now, there is no cure. 

This is a lot for a 16 year old to wrap her mind around. It's a lot for us parents to wrap our minds around as well....at times it can seem insurmountable. But Sarah reminded me of something without even knowing it...as she's working so hard to keep her head focused on God and His will for her life in all this, she keeps reminding herself of the fact that God wouldn't put her here only to abandon her. He loves her. He created her. He planned her life. This isn't a surprise to Him and He indeed has a plan for all this. This is just part of her story. 

I too, cling to that promise.....God will not abandon me. No matter how hard the days and nights are, He is there carrying the load and directing my steps. So when something unwelcome barges through the door, I don't need to hide. I can face the unwelcome challenge knowing I have the power and protection of my Lord and Savior...who loves me and has not nor ever will abandon me.