2 years ago....

It's been two years since Mamo's Heavenly Homecoming.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her, but I'm so thankful to know that she is healthy and whole in her new body up in Heaven.  There's no more pain, no more illness, no more longing for her beloved family members, especially her own Mama, that had gone on before her.  I'm also so thankful that my girls have so many wonderful memories of Mamo, just like I do.  She was a huge part of their lives and they loved her dearly, just as I did.  We visit her grave often, and enjoy "filling her in" on all that is going on in our life.  We laugh at the great memories we have of times spent with her, and can at times almost hear her voice when her words come to mind.  I am so blessed to have had such a wonderful grandmother who was actively involved in my life, every single day since the day I was born.  To say I loved her is an understatement, to say the least.  I adored her, cherished her and the time I got to have with her.  I treasure each and every lesson she taught me... whether it be personal character, resposibility, work ethic, driving, sewing, caring for children, enjoying the moments with those I love, etc.  I honestly wouldn't be who I am, had it not been for her.  Yes, the pangs of grief and loneliness still strike my heart and sole, but it's at those times that the good memories flood my mind and I wrap myself up with them and find such comfort... I Love You, Mamo.  God blessed me so much more than I could have ever asked by giving you to me as my grandma.

Summer days

I'm so thankful for a husband willing to work hard to provide a good life for his family. While he's working away, on the road, teaching kids at summer entrepreneur camps, working with small communities around the nation...I get to enjoy the benefits of being a stay at home mom, raising our girls for God's Kingdom.

There's been a lot of debate over recent days about the benefits of moms staying in the work force; it's set the "mom wars" back on fire. Personally, I don't think it's a black and white matter. God created each one of us and wired us in very unique ways. Not every woman is meant to be a stay at home wife and mom. Not every woman is meant to juggle both a career and family life. God gave us examples of both throughout the Bible and we would be wise to understand that there is no right or wrong answer to this. What is important, however, the right way if you will, is to actively seek to be where God would have you in your life. Seek God's will first and find contentment in all He has for you.

As for me, I love being a stay at home mom. I love being able to watch my girls grow in God's grace every day and leading them to His Truth every step if the way. I enjoy the natural rythmn of the changing seasons and the simplified lifestyle our family leads compared to most in today's world. And, personally, I don't think there's any better way to spend the warm summer days than relaxing by the pool, while the girls enjoy splashing and swimming.

So, do I have a problem embracing the traditional husband/wife roles of the 1950's, like one woman recently expressed disdain about? No way! God created us with specific roles to fill and the gifts needed to carry them out. I find I am the most content when I'm squarely in my role as wife and mom. Nurturing my family, making our home cozy, teaching our children, being a helpmate. I don't want my husband's role...frankly it looks too hard. Besides, let me point out again that he's out working and I am relaxing poolside ;).

Thankful....

In this day and age of everything being temporary and disposable, there arise moments when your heart is so thankful for "fixes". My favorite sandals came unstitched at the end of the hot weather last year. I tucked them away, figuring I'd deal with it this summer. Well, here it is nearly July and they've still been sitting there waiting for my attention. Today was the day:). I'm so thankful that we still have repair shops like this, available to make our disposable ways a little less prevalent:). I'm also extremely thankful for a whole lot if rain this late June morning :)

Sarah's Homecoming

After an entire week away at church camp, Sarah came home safe and sound. We were all excited to have her back with us. Even tho the week went by quickly, she was greatly missed and the void in our home, without her, was deeply felt. Is this mama ready for an empty nest? NO WAY! I may go a little crazy sometimes because of all the noise, chatter, and chaos that surrounds me, but in no way am I ready for it to cease quite yet.

We celebrated Sarah's homecoming with ice cream and enjoyed hearing all her stories of everything that happened over the past week. She is such a little homebody, we wondered if she would get homesick...yes, she felt the pangs of missing her home and family, but she turned to God for comfort and He provided her with just that along with tons of fun. She says she's going back next summer :). But for now, I am thrilled to have all my children back home where they belong :)

Oh yes, for those wondering...yes, there were more tears on my part. This time they were happy tears :). (It's official, I've turned into my mother;)

It's the little memories...

Ever notice how its the little, minuscule even, things that can bring you great joy or cause you to crash into a pit off despair? I had one of those moments today; the kind that brought a smile to my lips and joy to my heart. As I was about to get comfy on the lounge chair by the pool, I noticed it....the towel laying along that lounge was the towel Mamo made for me (along with a matching pool bag that , yes I still have:) when I was in high school. It was the 80's after all, and classic preppy was all the rage. That included plaid Scotty dogs on most everything :). I'm so glad that I still have these every day type of reminders of my Mamo and so thankful to, that my girls also have tons of good memories of her as well :)

Half Empty Nest...

It's the strangest thing; I basically only have 2 kiddos home this week... and I'm not really sure what to think of it.  Our days have taken on a relaxed tempo; mornings out and afternoons in.  No real need to be anywhere (other than an endo appointment for Miss Gracie) or do anything at all; just at our own whim for each day.  I gotta admit, it's a nice break, but it's not something I'm ready for on a regular basis.  Yes, I'm preparing for Tessie to fly to coop towards this Fall and honestly I think she pretty much only lands here at home to sleep these days anyway between her 4 jobs... But, this week Sarah is off at camp out in the sandhills too.  I know she's having a great time, but boy do I miss her.  At least I see Tess and get a hug and kiss each day.  AND we text back and forth throughout the day as well ~ contact is important to this mama's heart.  Sarah was sent off on her adventure with nothing other than some envelopes and paper.... no phone, no iPod, no laptop, no nothing.  No way for me to know what she's doing, how she's feeling, what she needs me to pray for, no way for me to tell her I love her each day.  SIGH... It's been 3 days and I have 3 more days till she's back home with a duffle full of laundry and lots of stories to tell us about her week.  Until then, I'm off to the pool with my two youngest.  Enjoying them to the fullest this week while they are still little and watching them grow closer with each passing day.... and remembering wonderful times of when my two oldest where this age and not out on their own life's adventures :)

Tess and Sarah enjoying sailing with their dad back in 2004 (Maybe '05, my memory isn't what it use to be ;)

Father's Day

It's arrived and left me feeling the sharp pangs of grief and loss all over again. For the first time ever, I wasn't sorting thru all the cards on the rack looking for just the right one and getting a padded envelope so I could stick a bag of pistachios in with the chosen card. Loss...hurt...pain...all raw emotions still fresh and overwhelming at times. There's joy too; when out of nowhere a picture from the past flashes thru my mind. Lots of pictures, lots of memories, lots of giggles - and still lots of tears. The first Fathers Day without my dad here for me to celebrate. What I wouldn't give to hear his voice come over the phone just one more time; yes, even in the grumpy tone he'd get when he was tired of me asking what his doctor had said. Just one more "I love you Herman"....

Blessings :)

My family knows that if they want me to remember something, the best thing to do is write it down on a post-it note. I can't help but smile when I see the notes the girls leave for me on my computer so I won't miss them :)