When You Can't Escape The Unwanted...

How do you react when you get an unwanted knock on your door or one of those dreaded "unknown caller" calls on your phone?  I'm sure I'm not the only one that wants to hide and just not answer at times. I mean, doesn't it sometimes feel intrusive and you just want to close the door or hang up the phone...make it all go away?  Well, that's kinda how we've been feeling around our home lately. You see, an intruder we know all to well came knocking again, and this particular intruder never leaves. 

Let me start at the beginning: last March Sarah was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. She did everything she needed to do, but she just never fully bounced back. Over the ensuing months, she continued to lead a normal busy life that any 16 year old leads....work, school, dance, church, friends...but she could never shake the constant fatigue. She seemed more susceptible to little viruses, her eczema was flaring in a huge way, then suddenly she sent me a text that said "Mom, I swear I'm starting to feel like you. Every joint in my body hurts. I feel like a 60 year old trapped in a 16 year old body."  (Not that I'm 60, mind you;). Well, that caught my attention. Between her major psoriatic eczema flares and now her painful joints, it was time to do some lab work. That was Thursday, September 29th. 

Fast forward to Saturday, October 1st. Sarah was excited to be going to the Husker game with her dad, something she'd really been looking forward to. The Huskers played great and won the game by a huge margin. It was around halftime that I got "the call". Our pediatrician took her time on a Saturday to keep check on Sarah's lab results as they continued to roll in. Everything was looking great except for a few glaring numbers. Those numbers were making the diagnosis impossible to ignore. So, for a second time in my life I heard a doctor gently say the two little words that change our life.... She's Diabetic. 

How do you tell your 16 year old daughter news like this?  Yes, she wants to feel better...but this?  This is a kid with a fear of needles. And now, now I have to help her come to terms with something completely life changing AND force her to face one of her biggest fears, because as of that moment her very life became dependent on it. That night at dinner, Sarah asked if the doctor called yet. I told her yes...and the silent tears that escaped my eyes gave it away. Sarah's reply was heartbreaking and was to be expected... "I want a retest!  I'm not diabetic. I'm not."  

Last week she has diligently tested her blood sugar every couple hours, logged her readings as well as her food (carbs that would soon need to be covered with insulin). Craig and I now traipse through the house in the dead of night, testing two daughters while they sleep. Morning finger pokes have become an unspoken competition to see who has the better number with Gracie dancing and singing "I win. I win. I win I win I win" on the rare occasion that she wins. And Sarah, now carrying her own "diabag" with her meter, snacks, and emergency supplies, as she heads out the door each day. Things that use to be simple now require extra caution...no starting the car if you don't know your BG, no snacks bigger than 15 grams of carbs right now, a finger poke and insulin injection before your first bite, to name a few. It's all so familiar yet all brand new at the same time. 

We've lived this life for 11 years, but now the dynamics are different. She's a teen having to wrap her mind around this. I'm her mom needing to help her own the responsibility of all it entails and not just doing it for her, like I was able to do when Gracie was diagnosed as a baby. And Craig has his protection instinct kicking in overtime, making sure his family, and these two especially, have everything they need to live healthy and well. 

Sarah and I made the trek up to Mayo Clinic to see our Endo yesterday. Just she and I, a rarity in a family this size. A long road trip, no doubt, but time well spent. We had the chance to talk, giggle, laugh at and with each other, sipping on Starbucks, making fun of each other's music, being goofy. She snapchatted her friends nonstop, I listened to my Luke Bryan playlist. And, we would talk in snippits about what this diagnosis means in her life. You see, Type 1 diabetes is an invisible disability, so to speak. People with it usually look totally fine,  they live normal lives, do anything they want to do...but those finger pokes and insulin injections they HAVE to do, are quite literally their life support. They cannot live without it. They cannot run away from it, take a break from it, ignore it...it won't go away nor will they out grown it. They can't kick start their pancreas by changing what or how they eat, working out, or taking the latest supplement.  And, for now, there is no cure. 

This is a lot for a 16 year old to wrap her mind around. It's a lot for us parents to wrap our minds around as well....at times it can seem insurmountable. But Sarah reminded me of something without even knowing it...as she's working so hard to keep her head focused on God and His will for her life in all this, she keeps reminding herself of the fact that God wouldn't put her here only to abandon her. He loves her. He created her. He planned her life. This isn't a surprise to Him and He indeed has a plan for all this. This is just part of her story. 

I too, cling to that promise.....God will not abandon me. No matter how hard the days and nights are, He is there carrying the load and directing my steps. So when something unwelcome barges through the door, I don't need to hide. I can face the unwelcome challenge knowing I have the power and protection of my Lord and Savior...who loves me and has not nor ever will abandon me.