The New "Date Night" Phenomenon.....

Get ready for a little rant today.... go ahead, get your beverage of choice, your glasses, curl up in your favorite spot, and be ready to shake your head, thinking " there she goes again" ;)

Craig and I are at that  "caught in the middle" age, I guess.  We are old enough to be enjoying the fruits of our hard work from our entire lives, yet we are still raising our daughters and starting to realize our responsibilities toward are parents as they continue to age.  We've been together nearly three decades... longer than we weren't together.  We've seen tough times and amazing times.  We've ridden the ebb and flow of marriage and a lifelong  relationship.... and admittedly, Craig has put up with a lot from me, as I know I'm no picnic to live with at times.  We've managed to maneuver our way through our pasts, our birth-order traits (he as the oldest, me as an only), and we've even kept our sanity as two introverted personalities with very creative "right brained" wiring, all while raising very creative "right brained" daughters (code for messy and emotional;).  We come from an era where our grandparents were very involved and influential in our daily lives, as well as our parents, and we were taught the value of hard work ~ both in relationships and in life in general.  We are of the bent that it's better to fix things, in most cases, than to throw them out.... while living in a very disposable society.

Why am I going down this path, and what does it have to do with "date night"?  Well because, like most everything in today's world, marriage and relationships have become nothing more than a Pinterest Board, and I find that within our christian communities, it is only being fostered.  I have my radios set to a christian radio station most of the time (although the girls might argue that it's set to talk radio;), and it's begun to grate on my nerves that EVERY break they take from music, they are promoting "date night".  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe that married couples need to prioritize their relationship to keep it strong.... but this popular "date night" mentality is nothing more than a living pinterest board and it's a dangerous path to go down.  Think about it... this mentality has taken something very normal and needed and created a need for it to be PERFECT and blown out of proportion.

There is nothing wrong with planning something special for your spouse.  I tried to plan something special for Craig for our anniversary, he planned an amazing surprise for my birthday.  But it's normal protocol around here for me to look at him after a long day and say, "Can we go get a bite to eat tonight?  Just you and I?  It's been a long day and I need a break with you."  Then he's whisks me off to dinner as the girls eat something I've left for them at home.  See.... We are accomplishing exactly what "date night" is suppose to accomplish without making it into some big hoopla that only adds extra stress (and in many cases, financial stress).  In just getting away for an hour or two, just Craig and I, we are 1- reconnecting as a couple, 2- finding comfort and security within our relationship, 3- prioritizing our marriage, 4- not adding the pressure of high expectations that normally apply to "Date Night... pinterest style".  It's normal.  It's fun.  We laugh, talk, vent, dream.... uninterrupted.  And, most importantly.... IT'S REAL and WE ARE REAL.

This whole date night phenomenon is in place to sell books and seminars.  Yep.... every single time it's mentioned on the radio, it's followed by an add for a marriage retreat.  Now, don't get me wrong... it's a great retreat.  We actually attended several years ago and had a great time reconnecting.  But here's the deal.... we come from a generation that doesn't think everything has to have a selfie and hashtag attached to it.  A generation that values real relationships and desires to invest ourselves into them... invest ourselves into each other.  The danger with turning life into a Pinterest Board is that when it's not pinterest perfect, it's viewed as not valuable, not worthy of saving...just delete and start over.  That isn't life, at least it's not a sustaining life.

Marriage isn't scripted by Hallmark.  It's not meant to be on Pinterest.  Everything in life doesn't have to be a big deal.  STOP MAKING IT SUCH A BIG DEAL.  What I've seen happen is that over the past dozen years or so, Date Night has become one more thing to check off the list, and consequently, if it's not pinterest perfect, it causes stress and guilt... that's not what it's suppose to accomplish.  The goal is to help spouses reconnect and grow closer during the craziness and chaos of raising a family.  Making it into such a big deal, an organized activity that must occur once a month minimum, tends to create fallout when things don't go as planned.  Not to mention, there are families like ours, who just didn't have the option of a regular date night.  Parents with special needs kids who don't have a support system around them, can't just up and plan a special occasion with each other on a monthly basis.  When others don't understand this, and they, in a well-meaning way, preach the importance of "date night", it does nothing but add an extra burden on that family, as well as a sense of guilt and failure because they can't do what is the popular teaching of the day.

May I suggest we all just get back to going out to dinner with your spouse.  Enjoy and cherish that one on one time together without worrying about the mess you'll come back to when you return home after dinner.  After all, how many of us ever remember our parents or grandparents going out on "date night"?  What we do remember is that they set aside time to spend together.  Maybe it was going to dinner then to do the weekly grocery shopping together.  Maybe it was a lemonade break while they were doing the yard work together.  I personally remember my parents going on walks after dinner.  Yes, I absolutely agree that married couples must prioritize their relationship and make sure to strengthen it, especially when they still have children at home.  But seriously, date night, as it's presented now-a-days (not only in society but within our churches as well) doesn't strengthen a relationship.  It only serves to make for good instagram posts and puts a ton of pressure on everyone to "get it right" or feelings get hurt, angry words are said, relationships are cracked.  Personally, I find that simple everyday things build our marriage.  Craig taking me to dinner after a hard day, me trying to make his favorite meal so he knows his likes and dislikes are important to me.  Taking a walk on a nice evening.  Curling up with pan popped popcorn to watch a movie together (only to fall asleep within the first half;).  Building each other up rather than saying things in anger that only serve to tear each other down.  It's the impromptu that makes me feel loved and cherished more than the planned.

It's the little, daily things that build love and relationship.  After all, we can delegate the planning of everything, even date night, to event planners... but the little. daily things there's just no delegating... we have to sacrifice ourselves to show our spouse (or anyone important to us) we love them and that they are important to us.  Stop making your marriage into a pinterest board.... just something to think about  ;)