What happens when a gypsy and a cowboy meet, fall in love, and get married? A lifetime of laughter and joy, a few struggles, some heartache along the way, and a home full of girls along with a menagerie of pets. Our life is nothing other than a beautiful mess, created by our Heavenly Father... whom happens to have a wonderful sense of humor and showcases that in the dailyness of our life. Come along and join in the fun :)
Well, I can't believe it, but Christmas 2016 has come and gone. It was a cozy one for our family... just the 6 of us along with Mom and Tess's boyfriend Logan, enjoying family time at home around our tree. The weather was unusually warm and wet for Christmas in Nebraska ~ almost 60 degrees and a soaking rain all day long, but it was nice none the less to just enjoy uninterrupted time together for the day.
The day started with seeing what Santa had left for everyone along with a breakfast of fruit and pastries. Gracie and Hannah were thrilled to find that Santa had left them a (nearly) life-size stuffed calf and horse along with new leather work gloves and elf stocking hats. He left Tess and Sarah gift certificates to the nail salon,which they were both thrilled to see. The stockings were filled to the brim with gum, lip balm, chocolate, Starbucks cards, iTunes cards, and of course their annual country attitude T-shirts. Santa left his normal mess of ashes from the fireplace as he tromped thru the family room to sit down, enjoy his cookies and milk, and to write his annual letter to the girls. The elves cleaned up all their messes and left with Santa for the North Pole... all except our little special needs elf, Hope, who was privileged enough to stay behind this year.
We then settled in to open our gifts. Yes, we were all on the nice list, or so it appears. Tess and Sarah were pleased to open new Nikes, boots, and clothes, along with a few essentials from the Estee' Lauder counter (or as Tess calls it "the good stuff;). Sarah got a gift certificate to get her hair colored, which she is totally thrilled to go get done. I can't wait to see what she decides to do, as I'm pretty sure she's going to give up her natural strawberry blonde in favor of a rich brown, which will make her blue eyes stand out. Gracie and Hannah got some new boots as well, along with team backpacks to carry their riding gear. Hannah was so excited to FINALLY get the cute space heater that she's been begging for for the past four years. We all got new blankets to curl up with. But, the highlight was watching Gracie and Hannah open their new cell phones. We all loved the expressions on their faces when they saw what was in the gift bags they were opening at the same time.
Craig and Dawn enjoyed gifts from each other that will hopefully encourage them to meet their New Year's resolution of getting back to their hobbies and finding time to relax a little. In his usual form, Craig hit it out of the park with quilt kits, quilt books, quilting tools, and knowing that stitching can tense up Dawn's neck and shoulders, he even got her a heated therapeutic massager to help her relax those stiff joints away. Dawn made sure Craig has what he need to get back to his love of photography in the new year.
Gracie gave the game Pie Face to Hannah; something that Hannah has wanted for quite awhile. All 4 girls had a great time playing that and laughing as they each ended up with a face full of whipped cream.
We were blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas with our "extended family" on Tuesday night over dinner and exchanging gifts. The girls were so thrilled with the gift Anne, their riding instructor and second mom, gave them. She had a picture of each of them mounted for their rooms. Gracie's is of her on Daddy when they won her first show. Hannah's is a picture of her riding her horse, Canton and is aptly titled "Best Friends". These two horse crazy girls couldn't have gotten anything better than these pictures for their rooms!
All in all, the greatest blessing was just being together, laughing and reminiscing, and enjoying our little clan. We are looking forward to 2017 and praying it sees many blessings
Our elves took pity on us this year and decorated our tree
Enjoying the "livestock" Santa brought
Hope, our little elf that got to stay behind
Santa left his corncob pipe behind last year and we set it out for him on Christmas eve
These three always love getting something matching for Christmas
Nothing like a big sister to help set up your new phone
Sarah was thrilled to see the pair of Nikes that she had sent me a picture of at least 3 times to let me know she wanted...GramCracker bewildered by her enthusiasm over a pair of shoes ;)
A couple of our elves riding their reindeer, who are also from the North Pole
This pretty much sums up our family when it comes to getting a picture ;)
There we go! Christmas Eve service at church
Our elves had Sharis Berries sent to us to say thank you for the fun time they had at our home again this year
Many of you know that back in 2011 we were excited to begin raising money to pay for a Diabetic Alert Dog for Gracie.... and everyone was so generous with their support, encouragement, and donations, which we were so incredibly thankful for. November 11, 2011, Max arrived at our home to much hoopla and excitement. Sadly, it was during his delivery that there began to be a little apprehension about things. Honestly, I've been embarrassed to tell our entire story, because getting scammed truly makes you feel stupid... but enough time has passed that I'm ready to share our story. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage, curl up in your most comfy chair, and get ready to read our journey with Max William the (not so) wonder dog.
Gracie has always been a brittle diabetic, with blood sugar swings that would make a monkey envious. Back in 2010-2011 I began seeing a few Facebook friends talking about Diabetic Alert Dogs (DADs) and all the wonderful things they do for their person. Things like alert to changing BGs, getting test kits and juice boxes, even calling 911 in case their person became unable to respond. A few friends had even gotten these dogs for their sweet Type 1 kiddos and things seemed to be going exceptionally well. One thing I noticed was that they all were getting them from the same organization, so I started asking questions and doing some deep research to see what I could learn. My first thought was that maybe we could train one of our dogs to do this important work, but there just wasn't much info available at the time into how to go about that. What info was available was really vague with only a couple of specifics at best.
By summer of 2011 Craig and I had some long discussions about pursuing this for Gracie. It seemed like a perfect answer. Type 1 is a life threatening disease; one in which life can be snatched away quickly and quietly.... our biggest fear is going in to check on Gracie (and now Sarah too) in the middle of the night, only to find that she slipped away. With a DAD to partner with us, the chance of that happening was pretty slim....or so we thought. In 2011, Diabetic Alert Dogs were pretty new on the scene of service dogs; certainly not mainstream, but heading that direction. All our research led back to the same Virginia based company as being "the best of the best". Unbeknownst to us, although they'd been around for many years, they'd only been in the service dog world for less than an handful of years. We spoke directly with the owner, in-depth, many times before deciding to jump in. And jump in we did. We worked fast to secure donations so that we could be placed on the active list and have a dog placed with Gracie asap... We were told that they were partnering with JDRF and were being featured in the upcoming FALL edition of the JDRF newsletter coming out that October (sadly, that was not true. JDRF never partnered with them or featured them in any newsletter), so if we didn't want to be placed on a long waiting list, we'd better get our $1000 in to be active asap. I received an email on Halloween stating that a male yellow lab had been chosen for Gracie. We took her out the next day for a special lunch to tell her the WONDERFUL NEWS. Her Max William would be delivered on Veterans day... less than 2 weeks away.
Fast foreward to the day Max arrived. The trainer arrives with an adorable 13 week old yellow lab.....who had never been on a leash until he was at the airport, didn't know his name, knew not a single basic command, and didn't even seem to know how to eat puppy kibble. We were expecting a puppy, yes; but one that had already been introduced to scent work for diabetes, had at least a beginning basic idea of the commands "sit, stay, down, come, heel, etc". It became very apparent from the first moment that Max had received ZERO socialization or training, and when I asked the trainer about it, he apologized and said they'd been so swamped with deliveries that Max and his entire litter had slipped through the cracks and not received their "fast track training". Hhhmmmmm.....Red Flags started to raise. The next day was spent doing local PR work for the organization. Having our local fire dept come to the house to meet Max and learn about his mission with Gracie, doing interviews with the local newspaper and TV News, and working with Max to get him to actually walk on a leash (not lay down as soon as it was clipped to his collar). By the third day, the last day our trainer was to be with us, we were presented with a 30+ page contract and told that we must sign it or Max would be taken back to Virginia with the trainer and the money we'd fundraised for to that point would be forfeited. We questioned several things in the contract, but weren't allowed the time to have an attorney read it over and advise us..... so yes, we accepted the answers of "don't worry about it, it's totally legit and is for your protection", as we looked at our precious daughter with her "life saving" pup that had spent the past 3 days bonding, and we signed. We were consoled by the fact that I knew a few people that had these pups and things "seemed" to be going ok for them. I was unaware of the shifts and fallout going on behind the scenes at the organization itself at the time.
We worked round the clock with Max, training him as we were told to do. We weren't getting any "trained" alerts, but were told that his hiccups, chewing things up, scratching incessantly, barking, whining, even throwing up and digging were all alerts. We would test and Gracie would be out of range (no big surprise there, since she was ALWAYS out of range, hence our commitment to getting a service dog). We would praise Max and give him gourmet treats as a reward.... and the naughty puppy behavior was reinforced and rewarded. All the while, Gracie's BG was showing no improvement. We accepted what we were told.... how were we to know any different? They were the experts, right? So when Max literally ate our sofa and we were told that it was because we missed his alert even though Gracie was actually in range when we checked, we hung our heads and accepted it. When Gracie would crash into the 40s while Max was sleeping soundly, we accepted that we must have missed his alert. And, when Gracie would be outside playing and Max would be obnoxious in the house (barking, chewing up toys to shreds, pottying in the family room) we would accept that he "must be alerting" rather than a pup/dog that just wanted to be outside playing, and we would call her in to test ~ sometimes she'd be out of range and other times she'd be just fine. By the time our trainer came back, for an afternoon one day and a morning the next, I asked about "trained" alerts. What he showed me to do to train Max made sense so we diligently instituted his technique. Of course all it was to Max was a trick to get treats.... he just never seemed to actually be ALERTING. We went months and months without any training whatsoever. Our original trainer left the organization without a word and we went months without any trainer to connect with. They finally assigned us to another trainer who pretty much only asked that we email him alert/behavior reports weekly otherwise wasn't in contact with us past his introductory call to "get to know Max"
November 11, 2012, exactly one year to the day that Max joined our family... he had a grand mal seizure. By March, he began having more grand mal and cluster seizures and was diagnosed with Epilepsy. When we immediately notified the organization, we were told they'd never had this happen before, EVER. They said they'd be in touch with us in a day or so to let us know what their vet had to say, while we were vetting Max with our own family vet. We never heard back from them other than courteous response when I'd update them on how Max was recovering. By this time we were finding out more and more about the organization; hearing from others of their bad experiences, all the while staying quiet and trying not to rock the boat. We were still fundraising to pay off Max. The organization was suppose to help us fundraise, but never followed through. We even ask that they send bracelets that they had made available for people to sell (sell for $5 each, organization would've kept $1 for their cost and $4 would've gone to our fundraising account)... they never sent them after numerous requests to do so. Same with calendars. It was about that time we learned that they had never filed as a non-profit in the state of Nebraska and we couldn't continue to fundraise for them here. We didn't really know what to do. We now have a dog with epilepsy, that could not even have a hope of being trained to alert to Gracie, we couldn't continue to fundraise to pay off our contract, and we were hearing of so many other families being sued by the organization because they found themselves with similar circumstances as us. We took notice that it seemed most of the dogs the organization was placing had health issues... and contrary to what we were told with Max, there were a few that suffered with seizures. One of Max's litter mates died from cancer at about 3 years old. This was not the norm for service dogs. It's why most reputable organizations don't place puppies into service. Yes, what we were told about the logic of the pup growing up with it's person, had made sense at the time because we didn't know any better. But now we did..... service dogs need a full 2 years training to be sure there aren't health or temperament problems that can prevent them from doing their job. For instance, Max is high strung and nervous~he is scared of loud noises (the fourth of July fireworks or a good thunderstorm will send him into hysterics), he gets scared walking if a loud vehicle passes by. This is not something he can outgrow or gain control of... it is just how he is geared. And, that is not workable for a service dog who needs to be confident and calm in every situation his handler puts him in. These traits, along with his epilepsy, would've knocked him out of any reputable service dog training program. It doesn't make him a bad dog, it just makes him unsuitable for service work. He is an awesome family dog and we love him, but he is unreliable as a service dog.
A little over a year into this journey, we were served with a lawsuit by the organization. They were suing several families and we were one in that group. We chose to hire a Virginia attorney and fight for Max. Not surprising, the organization decided to drop that suit.....only to pick it up again later in another Virginia county, and yes, drop it again when they saw we would fight it. AND THEN.... we were served with papers that they were picking it back up here in Lincoln. They wanted us to pay off the contract, even though they had broken their own contract from before they delivered Max to our home, but they also filed a separate suit to get Max returned to them. Max.... a 4 year old, non-trained dog with epilepsy. There was no way we were going to let that happen. First off, we adore our boy, even though he causes major migraines for us. Beyond that, we couldn't let him go to another family, knowing full well that he was not, nor could be, a service dog. Knowing that, we also knew that he'd most likely be put down if we lost. We were ready to fight for our boy.... and a FIGHT is truly was. We went to trial, something we've never been involved with before and knew nothing of what to expect. We answered questions honestly and endured being put down and bashed by the opposing attorney. It was a long and exhausting day, and we went home not knowing what would happen. A few weeks later, we got our judgement and we won. The court had found them to be guilty of fraudulent business practices. Of course they appealed, but we won that as well. Our judgement was with prejudice, meaning they can not sue us again. Max was safe with us, his family, and we were able to walk away from this dreadful experience once and for all.
Why am I telling our story now? Because, while there are Diabetic Alert Dogs that do indeed work well and save their person's life by their well-trained heroic actions, that is not always the case. Placing untrained $20,000+ puppies in homes with medically fragile children is irresponsible and can cause devastating problems. Families that need service dogs are already vulnerable, and business practices like the ones we dealt with from the organization Max came from is nothing short of preying on the vulnerable. Service dogs offer a better quality of life for so many..... passing dogs off as service dogs, who are NOT fully vetted and trained to do their service, only causes harm to all involved. Many will think that we, and everyone like us, were stupid to be so duped into signing a contract in the first place. That's a bitter pill to swallow, when all we were doing was trying to make life for our daughter the best it could be by giving her a partner to help her wth the hardships her life entails. Believe it or not, we did our research; we did everything you're told to do before making any kind of contractual/business commitment. For us, however, the organization, as well as the service itself, was too new at the time to have much of a track record that would be negative. We had no way of knowing that what they were telling us was their "proprietary training techniques" was nothing but a bunch of hooey.... after all, they were the experts, or so we thought. We truly had reasonable expectations of what we were walking into. We expected a puppy who was already "imprinted" to start alerting to fluctuating blood sugars from the start, who already had some training in basic obedience, who was already under training to alert to out of range blood sugars with a trained signal (a paw or a bow, for example), who was started on house breaking and kennel training but still might have an occasional accident. What we got was a puppy who'd never been handled much before his plane ride from Virginia to Nebraska, who was not scent imprinted as we'd been told he was from the moment of his birth, who didn't know what a leash clipped to his collar even felt like, who had never even heard his name before arriving at our door, and who had never even heard a basic command given in his entire life let along hadn't been trained to actually give an alert. We got a puppy who was an adorable, soft puppy with a coal black button nose, who was not capable of doing the service for which he was delivered to do.... a near $20,000 chewing and barking machine with no inclination or ability to alert to Gracie's blood sugars. Do I believe in Diabetic Alert Dogs? Yes, I believe there are some amazing DADs out there, but I don't necessarily believe that is the norm. Frankly, I believe that a Continuous Glucose Monitor is a much better and more accurate option that will lead to a longer and healthier life for diabetics. If down the road they need physical assistance, then at that point I would consider another service dog, but not as a front line of defense.
Finally, may I say, even though Max does not fill the service he was suppose to do, he still offers Gracie comfort from the daily struggles of living with T1D. He also offers her a mission of her own; that of his caregiver since he has his own special needs. Would we do it all over again, knowing what we now know? Of course not! But that doesn't change our love for Max William, the dog that acted as an alarm clock and caused us to test Gracie about 15-18 times a day. He may have only wanted his treats and knew that bad behavior garnered them, but it did train Gracie to start to test herself and not solely rely on Mom and Dad to do ;)
Please take the time to watch the Dr Phil episode I posted at the top of this. Learn how the best of intentions can go horribly wrong when you choose the wrong service dog organization. Yes, it shows both sides of things in that episode, but that only goes to prove that there are indeed two sides to this issue and not everything comes out smelling like roses.
And on a final note....Max is very happily living life as one of the pack with his brother Brody and Sisters Felicity and Annie. He is "just a dog" living a spoiled dog's life, enjoying romping with his brother the most of all :)
Admittedly, it's been a rough and emotional week around here. There've been lots of tears shed, regrets bemoaned, and "what ifs" mulled over. By last night we were in desperate need of some old fashioned family time. So, we loaded up in the truck and headed off to find some comfort for our wounded souls.
First stop, McDonald's drive thru for peppernmint hot chocolate, then off to the Christmas Tree lot. Is there anything that will transport you back in time better than a tree lot? The smell of fresh cut evergreens, seeing your breath in the frozen air, warming your hands around warm cups of cocoa.
Considering we already have our Christmas Tree put up at home, we were only there for the ambience;)
After getting our fill of the wonderful smell of evergreen, we headed off to see Christmas Lights, while listening to Christmas music along the way.
Are we still sad and frustrated over how things are? Sure. But, life continues to roll on and we refuse to allow it to blind us to the simple joys in life; to rob us of sweet time together, especially while the girls are still young. Contentment found in the simple pleasures :)
Ok....and totally unrelated to last night's retro inspired trek...I've spent the afternoon/evening today quilting and binge watching Fuller House. Check out my little sidekick while you play "find Annie" 😂
Yup, that's her wearing her puppy pjs, curled under the quilt I'm working on. And, in the corner of the sofa is Hannah, who put her own pjs back on this afternoon to warm up on this classically cold Nebraska Saturday.
Gracie at about 2 1/2 years old...living with T1D for over a year of her life at that point. She's grown up sooooo much since then. Seriously!!! She's almost a real teenager!
Gracie was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at only 14 months old. She's spent her entire life living with this disease, as well as living with her parents managing it all. She is on the threshold of becoming a teenager and I see her taking interest and ownership of her T1D in her own reserved way.
She's never really known others with T1D... I mean, yes, she knows others with it, but there's not been anyone "like her" in her daily life (church, dance, riding, neighbors, friend's events, etc). I'm not gonna lie; Sarah's diagnosis with T1D a couple months ago was bittersweet for Gracie. She doesn't want her sister to go thru all she has over her lifetime, yet at the same time it's kinda nice to not be the only one. Plus it allows her to be a mentor to Sarah in all this. At any rate, I'm watching Gracie take consistent steps to taking over her own T1D care, and it's been a treat to see.
We've always taken things a step at a time, in our family. Gracie started doing her own finger pokes at 3 years old. She's been a carb counting master since she was 8 years old. She has begun, slowly, to do her own site changes. Baby steps, but heading toward the prize nonetheless. She loves watching certain vloggers on YouTube, and I've discovered that the ones she faithfully follows are those living with T1D. She gleans tips and new ways of doing things from watching others... and she is understanding WHY we do things a certain way. Things like, why we don't leave her diabetes bag in the truck (insulin can't get too warm or chance freezing, and she always carries insulin in her bag), leaving glucose tablets in the truck during the warmer months causes them to loose their effectiveness, why we wipe off the initial drop of blood during a finger poke, etc. I am so thankful that she is growing up in a day when her world is far wider than our own yard. It's because of things like YouTube, Podcasts, Google, iPhones, Laptops, etc that kids like Gracie are able to learn and connect with a community that can help them grow up healthy. Yes, there are horrible and dangerous things that can come across our screens... but there are amazing things as well. It's for those reasons that I'm so very thankful!
And, as a side benefit... Gracie utilities the skills we learn thru our lessons in very "real life" ways. Think about it: She's honing her research skills, spelling skills, and reading skills without even thinking about it. When she's figuring out her carbs to cover with insulin, she's using her math (she'd use more math if her pump didn't automatically figure out her insulin dose;). I could continue, but you get the picture;) Yet again, homeschooling RULES in real life!
Dreams...We all have them; some are lifelong, others are for a season. Some are formed in childhood, others seem to formulate in a moment. The fact is, without dreams, life is pretty pointless and burdensome.
Some dreams take years to grow and refine. Maybe you head that direction at one point in time only to discover it was too soon and you need to step back for a time... but that dream is deeply rooted in your very soul, and you know that if you wait patiently, pray over it continually, and live in a responsible way, doing everything you can to achieve your dream along the way, it will eventually become reality. At least, that's what we are led to believe. It's what we've been told since childhood, right? Well, here's a dose of reality... we are lied to during our life time. Yes, even by those whom we should be able to trust without any hesitation. Maybe they didn't mean to lie; they just said what was in their mind or even their heart at that moment. But when push comes to shove, and it's time to keep those promises, they back track. Or, maybe they just make everything absolutely impossible for you to actually make your (very achievable) dream, a reality. You see, all hope doesn't die in an instant...No, it takes years of broken promises and broken relationships to erode. Then suddenly, the final straw snaps and all hope dies.
That is the moment my family finds itself in today. Craig and I always wanted to live on his family farm and raise our family there. We actually gave up everything shortly after we were married to leave the city life behind and move to the farm. For 11 years we loved our life and little home. Craig was truly "home" and I quickly "wrote my name in the dirt" to make it my home as well (a line from a Willa Cather book that I always loved and felt describe my country/farm journey perfectly). But even then, promises were changed on the fly, silently altered over time, and walls built up in relationships over judgements made without any basis. We tried our best to make it work, but financially we were foundering. Honestly, had it not been for living hand to mouth and not being able to make ends meet, we never would have returned to the city when Craig was offered the directorship of a state agency. We truly loved our life in the country and were heartbroken to leave our home. We've never closed the door to our "country life" dream, though. We have always wanted to give that to our daughters, and have done our best to give them as much of that life as we can while living in the city. And, for the 17 years since we've lived here, the dream was still taking root and growing.
Nearly 4 years ago, we decided it was time to take active steps to move back to the farm. one of our daughters was ready to move out on her own and the other three were young enough to make the move with little disruption to their lives. We made long lists of pros and cons, and yes, the pros always came way out ahead of the cons. We developed a solid plan to transition not only our home and family, but Craig's work as well. He has a large client base in the west, and living on the farm would make it much easier and less stressful for him. It would also mean less time away from the family when he travels. And finally, it would allow him to face the transitions a family farm goes thru when parents are aging; making the transition easier on everyone by doing it now rather than during a health crisis which might force it suddenly. We spoke with the regional medical facility to be sure they could handle our family's needs when they arise. We discussed several housing options, and were content with any of them. We were looking forward to being close to Craig's parents again, especially the girls, who've never had the opportunity to really get to know their grandparents or build a relationship with them, since they have spent their lives only seeing them once or twice a year. Yup.... April 2013, we were all EXCITED and ready for this dream to become a reality. We had a plan and we had the blessing we needed to make the move "home".
BUT..... at every turn we've met resistance from the very family members that said they wanted us back there. Every option we've presented for a home has been denied in one way or another. We even said we'd like to renovate Craig's grandparents place but were given a flat out "NO".... after they'd spent quite literally thousands of dollars keeping a roof on it, new paint, and even storm windows... ON A VACANT HOUSE. Frustration. Hurt. Sadness. Confussion. Abandonment. And yes, Anger. Emotions that continue to churn inside each of us over the past several years. Did we move away 17 years ago? Yes we did; but not because we didn't want to be there, rather because we were not able to make ends meet and struggled even putting food on the table at that time. But now it seems we are to be punished for leaving, even though we had no other real choice at the time.
Through it all, however, we have held onto HOPE, and continued to keep our dream alive. A few weeks ago we found a home about half an hour from the farm. A beautiful 100 year old farmhouse that we all fell in love with and could see ourselves living in till we died. Yes, it needed renovation, but it was a solid home with most of it's original detail and character intact that made it so special. Even better yet, it was reasonably priced, even calculating in renovation costs. PERFECT. And yet again, we were met with complete resistance. We've spent the last few weeks dreaming and trying to find a way to get the house that we fell in love with, without causing any hardship for the farm itself. Talking each day, planning, investigating options, and yes, DREAMING in the face of insurmountable odds. Then.... it all came crashing down late last night, when I looked at the listing online and my eyes were drawn to two words in red.... ACCEPTED OFFER. Yes, last night with two little words in red across the picture of "our" house, all hope died. An entire lifetime of a dream for our family came crashing to a halt with those two little words. You see, we've run every other possible option and the resistance from family was too great. This was the last option. We've been told to "just wait until they die", even though quite literally they along with every other member of that family have never had to wait until death for their dreams. We've missed the opportunity to give the life we desperately want to give our girls to Tess and Sarah; waiting until someone dies means that we can't give it to Gracie or Hannah either. In another 6 or 7 years at most, they will be out on their own. The deep country roots we wanted to give them won't have ever had a chance to even start.
Yes, it's been a really tough day around our home, one filled with tears that come unannounced. We are going through the motions, doing what needs to be done, but there is no point anymore. There's no joy. Because, dreams bring joy and our dream has died, buried under red ink across a picture. I hope these family members feel it's worth it. They are more concerned about who is sitting where at their funeral; meanwhile, these grand daughters of theirs are growing up without them, by their own choice. These girls have craved a relationship with them since they were babies, but it's hard to have a relationship with people who send birthday cards in the mail, and offer christmas gifts during a three hour "layover" when they're on their way to see the other half of the family that they actually desire to grow relationships with. Craig and I are tired. Tired of bearing the burden of everyone's unfair judgment. Tired of trying so hard to build a real relationship only to be shown time and time again that we are only wanted to complete the "perfect family" portrait (you know, "smile and say cheese" then go away, because ya'll are unworthy of our time). Tired of making excuses to our girls for the cruel treatment they endure from someone who should love them unconditionally. Tired of feeling unworthy ourselves in a family that clearly wants nothing to do with us.
So how does hope die? One day and one hurt at a time, over many years, and the casket is hammered shut, one nail at a time, by those who say they love you, but their actions make it clear that they view you as nothing but an inconvenience. Hope dies at the hands of others.....
It was the perfect snow for making snowmen, so the girls decided to make a snow family. FYI: the mound of snow next to the baby, with the red blotch is baby's blanket. The food coloring wasn't spreading all that well;). They did a GREAT job and I'm sure will be sleeping well tonight :)
I can't believe it, but here we are in December already. Part of me can't believe it and wonders where 2016 has gone. The other part of me feels like 2016 has been one of the longest years ever. How is that possible to be on both ends of the spectrum? None the less, it's true. Of course this leads me to start thinking about the New Year.... 2017. What do I want it to entail? What goals do I have for the new year? What do I want to change, improve on, accomplish?
For starters, I'd really like to see life more simplified. Life has been crazy on every level; there are certain things that can't change, like dealing with chronic health conditions each day and all that throws at us. But, there is much that can change, such as cutting out screen time, spending more time with family and friends "face to face," eating at home rather than on the run, finding my daily groove again. Basically, I want to spend less time on things that don't really matter and more time on what does. Actively search out the good in each day and skip over the nonsense that does nothing but distract from what's important. I'm an old school gal living in a new world and frankly, I don't like it much. I'm choosing to stick to my old school ways and focus on the important things in life.
What exactly are the "important things" you may ask? A personal and close relationship with God, my family and friends, treating everyone with respect and kindness, my home, just to name a few. If you notice, there is nothing in that list about losing weight or working out;) Not that those aren't concerns, but they just aren't anything I am going to choose to focus on this New Year. I really can't eat any less than I already do, I'm miserable when I try to 100% give up Dr Pepper, my fibromyalgia and lung issues prevent me from more intense work out routines like I use to enjoy (or endure).... So this coming year is about BALANCE.
We are not a "scheduled" family... meaning we don't do well on a strict daily schedule. We tend to be much more relaxed about things around here; of course it does help to find a loose routine that works and that is my goal. I want to be able to get everything I NEED to get done each day, actually done. And, I want to still have the time to do things I actually enjoy as well. Things like quilting, sewing, embroidery, paper crafting, maybe even start the scrapbooks I've been planning since the girls were all infants. And...... BAKING BREAD; I use to actually make bread from scratch and loved it. The smell alone is heavenly and the taste is amazing. Finally, gardening....I am HORRIBLE at it, but I'm the most determined gardener you will ever run across, and I really want the girls to experience growing things themselves.
As we head into Christmas and the final few weeks of 2016, I want to take some time to dream and plan. No, I'm not setting any New Year's Resolutions this time around; I am however, going to figure out how to get back to exactly what is important and let go of what's not. Maybe it's letting go of unrealistic expectations or excess stuff cluttering up the closets.... and freeing up the time and space to be more available to God and what He wants to do through me this coming year. What I do know is that I really want to get back to quilting in the New Year. Not just once in a blue moon when the planets align just right and I have a free afternoon; no! I want to make it a daily or at the very least, a weekly priority. I want to actually finish up some of the projects I've started over the past 2 1/2 decades, I want to make a couple of new ones, and I really want to do a Block of the Month that I commit to finishing on time :)
So, my theme for 2017 is SIMPLY QUILTED :) Yeah, that sounds perfect for the new year!
