A few more tears trailed down my cheeks as I held the little blue velvet bag that holds Cooper Todd's earthly remains on the way home this afternoon. This isn't what we wanted. We tried desparately to get him to come home only to see him slip through our grasp. Why? The question lingers and we'll never know that answer. We hold to the nearly five years of memories we have with him. The goofy little dog who wanted to be included but could just never seem to fully allow himself the comfort of our affection. I still see him chasing the kids and trying to corral them in the yard. I close my eyes and see him enjoying the afternoon sun in front of the deck door in the family room. I walk by his kennel and can still see his sweet little face looking up, wanting his morning greeting as he's let out each day.
I carried the little blue velvet bag into our home and tell the girls that Cooper is home. They look from me to the bag as sadness creeps into their eyes. I don't have the answers they want... all I have is the little blue velvet bag that holds their beloved dog. I gently place the little blue velvet bag up atop the grandfather clock in the dining room, not quite knowing where to put it really. It's bittersweet. Cooper Todd is home and no longer running scared. We envision him romping around in Heaven with other beloved pets we've lost over the years, entertaining our beloved family members and friends who've gone ahead of us to life eternal in Heaven. But then, the reality of him no longer romping around in the back yard with his brother and sister crowds out that vision and the tears begin again.
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