Saying Goodbye...
Wednesday, February 6th started out normal enough. Morning chores, getting girls going, school time... then right in the middle of our english lessons my phone rings. I normally don't answer my phone during school time, but this call I knew was important. My aunt was calling and as soon as I answered I knew what she was calling to tell me. I didn't want to hear it, but there was no stopping the next few words..."Are you alone right now? (no, I was sitting with the girls doing school work) Good, because you shouldn't be alone for this news. Honey, I don't want to tell you this, but your dad passed away early this morning." Amazing how quickly the world can just stop for a split second. Images of my dad flashed through my mind; of the last time I saw him 2 years ago, of times when I was a little girl, and of times when I was a teenager. Guilt too; gullt for getting so frustrated with him because he just refused to take care of himself, getting frustrated because he wouldn't even talk about getting the help at home he needed, getting frustrated because every time I'd try to talk with him about salvation he'd change the subject to astro physics, guilt for not getting out to see him just one more time like I wanted to do, guilt for letting life get in the way of a few more precious hours spent with my dad.
The next day, my birthday, Mom and I flew out to Northern California, after a quick birthday party with cake and ice cream for breakfast with the girls. A very long day full of flights, brightened by a little bit of time spent with my family during a lay over at LAX. By 2:00 am we were finally settled into our hotel and into bed for a couple hours sleep. We arrive at Dad's apartment, ready to clean up and out a lifetime cut too short. Everywhere I look, I find scattered family memories. Pictures, notes, cards, scrapbooks, the Bible Tess sent him when she was about 10, the life-size owl decoy I gave him when I was in jr. high, his trucking logs, all his fishing and hunting licenses, his driver's licenses, the only key fob I ever remember him carrying (a plain leather one)... just the mundane daily things that make up ones life. I find one of the last shopping lists he'd made and tuck it away to keep. I find his childhood train that he wanted the girls to have; packed up and addressed but never shipped. There's a therapy and comfort in cleaning out his apartment; crying tears of sadness and loss, finding things that bring to mind wonderful memories and would make me laugh in the middle of it all.
During this past week I was able to reconnect with a few of my dad's family that I haven't seen since I was 18. I was able to enjoy time with my grandma and relive fun memories of my childhood. His family generously handled the memorial arrangements and on Monday, February 11th we remembered Dad and the life he lived as well as all the ways he touched so many lives. The last song played brought us all to tears as it was just so my dad....Frank Sinatra's My Way. Dad would've turned 68 the very next day, February 12th. To think, just a week before I was trying to figure out what to send him for his birthday and reminding myself to get it taken care of so I wouldn't be late, like I so often am.
My dad and I are about as opposite as they come. He never did quite know what to do with me. I am steadfast in my faith in God, my dad was agnostic. I am ultra conservative in my political stance and my dad was very liberal. I'm more the artsy/hippy type and my dad was very science minded. I spent my life rolling my eyes every time he'd go off on some tangent about physics and astronomy. He'd call my mom after getting into a political debate with me and ask her "Where did we go wrong with this girl?" I need the ocean to feel grounded and my dad needed to be in the mountains. But as opposite as we were, we loved each other completely and respected each other, especially as I grew into adulthood. As a child he did everything in his power to reign me in, to scare off any boyfriends, to try to get me to comply with his idea for what I should do with my life (he thought I should've been a nurse, I wanted to be an archeologist). I remember him teaching me to read and showing never-ending patience when I couldn't remember the word "are" for the life of me. I remember the one and only driving lesson he gave me and how I came home in tears, swearing I'd find someone else to teach me while he couldn't understand why I didn't appreciate the defensive driving techniques he was trying to teach me. I remember him trying to set me up with boys he thought would be good for me and hating just about every guy I ever dated.
Good memories, some not so good memories, but all in all I can honestly say that I find some traits of my dad in me to this day, and at times even see a few in my daughters. Yes, he left a legacy living on in his daughter and grand daughters. His spirit lives on in the lives of those he touched, both family and friends.
James Joseph Leach Jr. 2/12/45-2/6/13
